Claus Barbie Saves Helen Mirren

It is touching how actress Helen Mirren declares her breakaway from the regular snort of cocaine with the arrest of Nazi concentration camp butcher Claus Barbie in 1983. She states to have come to this decision after she realised what drug money was used for: Amongst other things, namely, to harbour highly sought after war criminals in the Southern Americas.

Mirren also reveals to have become a royalist after playing the roll of ER II, because all of a sudden she understood the pressure this woman must be under on a daily basis. Well, stemming from a family of Russian nobles herself, Helen might indeed get the picture. Maybe her grandfather on her father’s side, a Russian Field Marshal in the service of Tsar Nicolas II, who got stuck in London during the Russian revolution, left her some stories as well.

Good for him to be marooned there, and for Helen, and for all of us who saw the film Caligula, because this year it is 90 years ago that the imperial leaches were thoroughly taken care of by executioners of the people. And with the demise of the Romanov’s, many of their entourage followed. This rich Russian tradition has been carried into this century through many years of totalitarian Soviet rule, and many murky dealings of the secret service under the modern presidents..

I would advise Mirren to also stop driving cars, since the money paid for the petrol is used for purposes she should not agree with either. What about those despotic Royals, who are in power in some of the oil producing countries, suppressing any kind of democratic progress? Not to speak of the women’s rights which are trampled upon by these male chauvinistic white-dress-dressers.

Well, to actually speak of women, is she also considering to stop using software or telecommunication technology that originates from Pakistan? In that country five young women, amongst which three teenagers, were shot an buried alive because they wanted to choose their own husbands as opposed to sharing the rest of their lives with some bugger, picked out for them by the ruling family patriarch. And then some sick bastard in parliament has the nerve to justify this terrible, archaic atrocity by calling on a “centuries old tradition”. Screw tradition! And this parliamentarian.

I could go on for ever. My point is that for many things we are using all the time, someone is making his hands dirty in a way that damages others. Our food industry is a good example, too. If Helen Mirren has stopped using the White Nose Tornado, it is because she was finally scared out of her wits, because it became clear that cocaine screws up the heart muscle and dissolves the nose. The latter is, in her case, a kind of collateral damage that would ruin her career. It’s a bit corny to attribute such a false sense of political correctness to a simple little thing like giving coke the boot.

But on the other hand, some actresses, especially the likes of Mirren, are allowed to indulge in such vanity. Helen is awesome, even so many years after Caligula…